6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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