Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So much Jack, so little girl.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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