You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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