Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
