I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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