Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
