i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
