Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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