Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
