so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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