i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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