I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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