I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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