I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
