i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
