I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
