i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Text me some of your sweat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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