he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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