I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
