John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize