im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
