So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
