i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
bring money and cleavage
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
