Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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