its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize