i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
