you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
