just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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