She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
