Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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