Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
