make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
