you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
