So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
