Can i not drive my cunt home
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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