I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
