just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
