I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it's like iHOP with fire
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
