i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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