Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize