You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
