was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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