My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
