I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
