I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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