I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
