I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
