How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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