I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
