why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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