Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
