And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
