Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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