Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize