Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
