The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
