the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
