Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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