Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
