So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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