what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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