Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
