Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
