she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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