oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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