I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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