and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
