the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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