she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
