Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
