saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
