Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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