He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
