she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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